04/04/19 Email exchange
I am a student terrorist in OJT (On the Job Training) in Pakistan. I would like to go to America to launch a terrorist attack in Los Angeles. In reading some of your past ASK-HAL columns, I felt certain that you could give me good advice on how best to get into the U.S. and how best to pull off an attack in Los Angeles.?
Dear Terrorist in Training,
The best thing you can do is learn from history. You don't have to worry about U.S. law enforcement learning from history because they keep repeating it thinking that "this time" there will be a favorable outcome. One of the best ways to terrorize a city is with FOOD POISONING.
I will go through an analysis with you based on past history to determine what to do and what not to do. First, please watch this 20 minute video.
SOME RULES TO FOLLOW:
- The first thing you must do is develop a strategy to get into the U.S. You should travel as a tourist to Mexico. There's not much red tape in getting from Pakistan into Mexico -- almost all Mexican immigration officials will accept bribes -- just have plenty of money with you. Next, find a coyote (smuggler) who will guide you across the U.S. / Mexico border. Professional smugglers know where the best spots along the new fence are easily crossed. Be sure to dress properly for the crossing because the new Secretary of the DHS, Janet Nepolitano, says that she wants the border patrol to arrest only bad illegal aliens who are drug smugglers and terrorists -- not (as Arizona Congresswoman Gabriel Giffords says), good illegal aliens who just want to wash dishes. Although ICE claims it doesn't profile, I wouldn't bet on it. You shouldn't dress to look like any of these guys. You should look like a dish washer or someone who fits in this group - Before you leave Mexico, be sure to pick up the handbook put out by the Mexican government which gives you good pointers on how to sneak into the U.S.
- When you launch your attack, don't commit suicide. If you do, then you won't be able to pull off another terrorist attack in the future (don't worry, Allah will still reward you with 72 virgins whenever you do die).
- In the 20 minute video, Shilah used a salmonella strain in her attack which just made people sick. If you want to be rewarded by Allah, you should use a strain that will kill the infidels.
- Your coyote will have one of his connections on the U.S. side transport you to Los Angeles. Once you get to Los Angeles, disguise yourself as an illegal alien -- the LAPD will not hassle you if you look like an illegal alien. As this video shows, Special Order 40 prevents the LAPD from asking you about your immigration status. - To pull off a BioAttack, you should look and act like an illegal alien vendor. The LAPD doesn't enforce the law against illegal vending, so you don't have to go through the trouble of buying a vendor license or a certificate from the Department of Health.
- You should not carry any ID because the LAPD has a No-ID-and-Walk policy. You will be asked for an ID, but if you can't produce one, they'll let you go on your way.
- But you will need a Matricula Consular ID in order to launch a BioAttack in a federal building. Federal buildings use metal detectors, but a small vile of salmonella won't be detected. All federal building have snack bars. You can spray salmonella in the food at the snack bar. Now you may be wondering if the FBI is reading this web page and will come to arrest us both. Not to worry. I have written the Former Secretary of the DHS, Tom Ridge, the FBI, the 9/11 commission, and scores of congress representative and the LAPD Police Chief on this issue. They have all ignored me.