A public forum for illegal aliens, terrorists, gang members, criminals, and any other interested persons.
ASK HAL
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03/23/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I am so confused. We, in this district voted Representative Howard Berman, the guy who wants amnesty and in-state tuition for illegals. Why are Democrats voting for a man who does not care what we want? We must be stupid.            Zora

Dear Zora,
Democrats aren't the only stupid ones. Any Republicans who voted for George Bush are even stupider than he is.
03/23/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I am wanted for murder in my home town in Guatemala. I would like to know how I can work in the U.S. and keep a low visibility from the law.

Dear Guatemalan Murderer,
In checking my files, I note that a guy by the name of Reséndiz, an illegal alien serial killer who murdered as many as 15 Americans, managed to avoid being detected by working as a laborer.

You too can avoid detection by working out of one of the seven Los Angeles funded Day Labor Centers. Those centers have a don't ask, don't tell policy. Even their application form promises that personal information will not be shared with any private or governmental agency under any circumstances. At one of the labor center meetings I attended in West Los Angeles, LAPD Senior Police Lead Officer Phillip Enbody who monitors the meetings, admitted that he isn't even privy to any background information on any of the workers. These day labor centers are especially set up for illegal aliens like yourself. Legitimate American and legal immigrant workers must go to "One Stop Operation," at 11251 National Blvd in West Los Angeles which is operated under the Los Angeles Community Development Department, where all workers must disclose their social security numbers and undergo a background check -- and pay taxes.

In your case, when a contractor hires you, don't expect to be paid a living wage. But not to worry -- you can murder the contractor and take his wallet and his pickup truck tax free.
03/24/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
What do you hear from Homeland Insecurity about the "Ask Hal" posts. Are they comfortable being thoroughly disgraced by outraged Americans.
Good Work Hal,
paleoCon

Dear PaleoCon,
The DHS (Dept of Homeland Security) is brain dead because it is run by brain dead Michael Chertoff who is a puppet of President Bush. Puppets don't get disgraced.
03/24/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I want to campaign for California Congressman Duncan Hunter for president in 08. How do I get involved and promote the only honest United State American running for president in 2008?
Polly

Dear Polly,
Duncan Hunter is not the only honest presidential candidate -- there is one more -- Tom Tancredo. But if you want Duncan Hunter for president, go to his campaign website and click on all the links that tell you what you can do to help his campaign including making a contribution. When you donate to his campaign, make a copy of the check you will send to him or a copy of the filled out donation page before you click the submit button. When you get one of those campaign letters asking for a donation from any of the other Republican candidates (like John McCain or Rudy Giuliani) running for president but who wants "comprehensive" immigration reform, put a copy of your donation transaction to Hunter into the other guy's postage paid envelope with a note that you won't donate because you are opposed to rewarding illegal aliens.
03/24/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
My husband left our home here in Mexico three years ago to illegally cross the border to the U.S. with the promise that he would earn some money and return within one year to me and our three kids (Pedro has never seen our last kid). But I haven't heard from him since the last time he called me 2 1/2 years ago. Can you help me?
Juanita

Dear Juanita,
I hope you will be strong to the truth. Your husband most likely has joined the ranks of illegal alien deadbeat dads. Most U.S. politicians seem to think that only Americans can be deadbeat dads and that all illegal aliens are honest, hardworking church goers just wanting a better life. American wives have the recourse of tracing their deadbeat dad husbands through drivers license information and tax returns filed. But I'm sorry to tell you that our politicians make it easy for husbands like yours to easily assume any identity they want. In California, Gil "one bill" Cedillo has pushed for giving drivers licenses to illegals with the social security requirement waived. I hope that the Op-Ed I wrote which was published in the L.A. Daily News and the letter I sent to California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger were instrumental in his veto of Cedillo's bill. Unfortunately, immigration political correctness here in the U.S. is so ubiquitous, that even the National Organization of Women (who were copied in the Scwartzenegger letter) won't touch the issue.

You might find some comfort and support by joining the Artisanas Campesinas.
03/24/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I am a Jewish liberal whose parents survived the Holocaust. As a Jew yourself, you should be able to relate to the plight of illegal aliens.

Dear Jewish liberal,
My answer to your linking of Jewish immigration to America, with the illegal alien (virtual) invasion of America can best be answered by an open letter I wrote to a Jewish liberal acquaintance of mine.
03/25/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
As concerned parents, what should we tell our kids about the future of America?

Dear concerned parents,
Tell them to prepare themselves to survive national suicide made possible by the immigration policies of our president and congress.
03/26/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I am a Muslim who keeps hearing the mantra by Christian infidels who keep saying that America is a country founded by Christians. Where is the evidence to back this up?

Dear Muslim,
When the founding fathers made reference in the constitution to the "year of our lord," they weren't talking about Allah.
03/29/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I am a 15 year old teenager who lives in the Mexican border town of Tijuana. Two years ago, my boyfriend Ramon who is now 17, left Tijuana to become an illegal alien in Los Angeles. Wanting to get a good education, Ramon enrolled in high school where he became a gang member.

I became pregnant three months ago and didn't want to tell Ramon because he might get jealous of the guy who knocked me up and kill him. But I decided that if I wanted to have an honest relationship with Ramon, that I had better fess up. To my surprise, Ramon took the news really well. He said that if I come to L.A., and enroll in the school he attends, that the school officials would see to it that all my pre-natal care, day care for my upcoming kid, and post natal care needs would be taken care of under the California Pregnant Minor Program. He says it's really great being in high school because all the gang members have really cool parties on the weekends, notwithstanding the occasional shooting of uninvited rival gang members. They also have fun during the week after school when they go tagging.

What I need to know is: how do I go about getting to L.A. and enrolling in high school?
Rosa.

Dear Rosa,
Here's what you do: Tell your parents that you want to go to the "other side" to live with your uncle so that you can go to school to learn English and be able to work part time at McDonalds so that you can send money home to them. They will like that and be very cooperative in helping you. Most families living in Mexican border towns have border crossing permits which allows them to go 25 miles beyond the border (75 miles in Arizona) into the U.S. to go shopping for goods made in China. If your family doesn't have the necessary permits, have them bring documents like the title to their home or paycheck stubs from their jobs and your school ID (Mexico requires all students to posses a school ID proving Mexican citizenship) to the border patrol station as evidence that you will be returning to Tijuana (wink, wink - nudge, nudge) and they will issue the permits. If you don't have those documents, just go to Avenida Revolución in downtown Tijuana where you can find a vendor from whom you can purchase fake documents (border patrol agents have no way of checking authenticity.) Have your family drive to the border crossing. When you present your permits to the BP agent, you will be asked where you are going. Simply say that you are going into San Diego to do a little shopping. Although you must return to Mexico within 72 hours, there is no requirement to check in with the U.S. BP when you return. They will never know that you intend to stay in L.A. permanently. Your dad can ignore the 25 mile limit and drive you all the way to your Uncles house (if you don't have an uncle in L.A., you can appoint any adult who will say he's your uncle).

Don't worry about not having any documents for enrolling into school. Unlike American citizen children who must produce birth certificates, the school will accept an affidavit from you "uncle" certifying that you were born. Later, after all your pre-natal and post-natal needs are taken care of, you can drop out of school to be a full time gang member.
04/01/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I am an environmentalist. Why are you so focused on illegal immigration rather than the more important problems of the U.S. and the world like global warming and pollution?

Dear Environmentalist,
Seeking solutions to ending global warming and pollution while ignoring illegal immigration, is like a convict who is about to be executed worrying about how healthy the ingredients of his last meal will be. If unchecked illegal immigration continues, the U.S. will be destroyed before global warming will ever matter.

If you are a sincere environmentalist, your chief concern should be the problem of the exponential growth of America's population. We have paved over 1.65 million acres of farm land in the last 10 years. How long can we sustain that kind of sprawl? Our current immigration/population is already destroying our rich environmental tradition. The proposal to add another 200 million people to our population by 2050 via immigration will spell the end of the American ideals of open spaces and individual freedoms.

Even without the massive increase that President Bush and Senate Republicans are proposing, we can expect massive population growth in the next forty years. We should reach something between 443 million and 495 million people by 2050. We can expect enough problems trying to find enough housing, public transportation, jails, and hospitals, to provide for newcomers. And then there's the problems of: traffic congestion, education, deteriorating quality of life, having to ship our garbage, third world safety and zoning violation, illegal vending, day laborers, gang crime, Security risk, just to mention a few.

Even without increasing legal immigration, we can expect an energy crisis as we exceed our ability to produce enough oil and gas for our own citizens. California and New York are already growing accustomed to brownouts and blackouts every summer.

The "better life" that immigrants seek in America translates into SUVs, air conditioners, washing machines, etc. -- all of the energy consuming things that many think are causing pollution and global warming.

And all of the above doesn't take into account another imminent 9-11 as a result of our government's inability to keep track of who is supposed to be in the U.S. and who is not.

Still worried about global warming?
04/03/07 Email exchange
Dear Hal,
I live in Mexico, but I have a brother living in the U.S. who told me that as a naturalized U.S. citizen, he can legally petition for me. Do you think it's a good idea?
Gloria

Dear Gloria,
No, it is not a good idea. If you do it the way your brother suggests, you will be a fool. You should come illegally. That way, you will receive all the benefits of a legal immigrant -- but much sooner -- and you won't need to obtain a costly Mexican passport and your brother won't have to fill out all those messy forms.

And if you get lucky, you can expect to get a crack at Earned Legalization (when you get here, pretend that you don't consider it an amnesty). If that happens, you can expect to get on a path to become a U.S. citizen much sooner than those who have applied to immigrate legally. That's because the wait for an immigration visa is now 13 years -- you will only have to wait six years before you can apply, but the sweet thing about it is that you will have legal presence in the U.S. with working rights and you will even be able to legally obtain a drivers license.

But won't I have to prove that I have been present as an illegal alien for many years back.

Yes, but you can fake it like millions did in the 1986 amnesty. Just get one of your U.S. citizen friends to vouch for you and say that you have been working for him for the last 10 years (I wrote a legitimate letter in 1986 for my Mother's Honduran house keeper truthfully certifying that she worked for my mother for the past 10 years) and no one ever checked it out.

What about paying back taxes if I haven't really been in the U.S. all the time I said I was?

Not a problem. The millions of aliens, including my mother's housekeeper, who were given amnesty in 1986 who filled out the form for back taxes, never heard from the IRS -- probably because it would have been impossible to check out millions of tax declarations and it would have been a paperwork nightmare. But just in case, just declare that you were a domestic and that you worked part time 20 hours a week at $3.50 per hour and you supported your family back home. In that way, you wont owe anything.

What if they do a criminal background check?

Not to worry. The Department of Homeland Security won't be able to find anything on you in their databases even if you are a fugitive in your own country because you weren't present in the U.S. For example, a post mortem background check of all nineteen 9-11 terrorists who all had valid driver's licenses, revealed that they did not have any criminal record. That shouldn't be surprising since there was no criminal history on any of them in the U.S.

P.S. Keep this to yourself, as this useful information is intended only for hard working law abiding illegal aliens -- not for terrorists.